Casey was born on November 29, 1995 and died today, May 2, 2008. For those of you who don't know Casey he was my best friend for all of his seemingly short life. He lived a full life though. We have always been the best of friends from the time we met. We met in a pet store down the street from my mom's old house called Jungle Park. We were both looking for a companion for life. It seemed so natural, but we had a connection from the moment we saw each other.
It is hard to describe what Casey meant to me. He was so much more than a friend or even a best friend. He never had an unkind word to say, and he was always there to listen to me. He always new just the right thing to say. He got me through so many hard times and we have been together for so many years now it is hard to imagine a life without Casey. Some might say we have soul connections to each other. I would say they are right. It is just one of those things you can't describe, but that you only feel and know in your heart.
One of my earliest memories of Casey is when he first came home to my mom's house and we played in the backyard of my mom's house. It was great. I would throw or kick a large ball and Casey would run after it. The ball was just about as big as he was and sometimes he would run so fast he would sort of run / roll over it. I think he even once did a somersault over it. I knew from that day on that I had a friend that would bring the best out in me and help me remember to play more.
One of my most memorable times is when Casey and I went to Lake Pleasant. I think I was in college when we went. We had some free time and I want to do something special together that was an adventure for both of us and something that we had never done without the protection of adults. So we got in my white Chevy S10 pickup and headed to the lake. We had some food and water, but not much else other than a blanket and an inter-tube. We walked along the shoreline for a while before we got in the inter-tube and floated around the lake for quite some time. It seemed like hours, it was probably much less like 45 minutes or maybe an hour and half. The inter-tube became more of a floating chair than an inter-tube. I don't think it was made for two bodies that weighed probably a total of 215 pounds when wet. After floating in the lake, we hudled together beside the truck to have some shade from the intense sun. Casey doesn't tolerate heat very well, so we ate some lunch and headed home. This trip was a sign of independence and adventure, and was a heartfelt adventure that brought us closer together. We did something that we had only done with adult supervision prior to this.
I was 19, going on 20 when Casey and I met. We were both young at that point. Neither of us had experienced much without the protection and guidance of our parents. Since then Casey has been there through so many things. He was there when I moved out of my mom's house and into a condo I was renting at the Point in North Phoenix. He was there when I got my first real programming job (before I graduated college) at Desert Sky Software. He was there when I moved back to my mom's house to finish my last year of college, and finally graduation of ASU. After graduation it seemed only natural to buy a house of my own. Of course, Casey was my roommate. We had the whole house to our selves. I went to work every day and Casey stayed at home and took care of things. He was tireless at watching the neighborhood. He knew everyone in the neighborhood, or at least he new who should be hanging around and who should not be. He was the first to tell them to move along unless they wanted trouble from him. He was a great protector of our house.
Up to this point in both of our lives things had gone pretty smoothly. No real surprises. Every since then, it has been one thing after another it seems. I think the first encounter with reality and the fact that sometimes difficult things happen to good people was when my dad died in 2000. I found it incomprehensible that my dad could die when I was only 24. My mom was in the hospital at the same time as my dad, but I never figured either of them would actually die. The only thing I could think about prior to this turn of events was that I had graduated college and it was time to move on with my plan of college, girl, marriage, kids, live happily ever after. This was the first thing that rocked my world, and would not the last.
I don't want to make this all about me, because it isn't. Casey's life revolved around mine, so much of his life is also part of his life. I have had some hard times and Casey has stuck by my side and been my best friend every single day he was alive. That is a tall order for anyone to fill. Casey is truly a remarkable friend and companion.
To continue the story, soon after, I met my first wife Jennie. About the same time I developed menieres disease. My mom's health began to worsen over the next several years until. Life was taking a turn I had not expected. All of this was so overwhelming and Casey was there when I was dizzy from menieres disease, he was there when my mom was sick, and even there when Jennie asked for a divorce after only one year of marriage. I soon after that met my second wife Amanda who I love with all my heart. A few years after that my mom died. This was so difficult to lose my guiding light. I felt so lost.
I remember thinking that at least I have Casey still, he has been through all these rough times with me and will get me through many more. I believe his soul contract with my soul was to help me through these difficult times. The reason I say that is because he is an absolutely selfless friend. I don't know how else to explain why else Casey would be in my life for these difficult years. You see, Casey came into my life when I needed a friend to carry me through, and ended when I married Amanda. I believe in my heart that Amanda and I are soul mates and that we will get through anything that comes our way. I think Casey knows that she is the one I will be with and have a wonderful family with. He wants to be a part of the family said a very in touch Dr. Brandy. He wants to help raise and protect the baby. She said Katelyn is a name that Casey told her over and over again, but wouldn't disclose who it was. I don't know, but it sounds like the name of our child yet to be born. No promises, but I like that name. It only seems appropriate for a crystal child (one that can talk to animals) to be named by a dog. Yes, Casey is my best friend and a dog. He is not really my pet because that implies that I own him. That is not the case, we live together and support each other as companions in the journey of life.
I believe Casey chose this time to leave so that he could be right there in the next chapter of my life. What a perfect and exciting time in my life for Casey to come back. I want to take this moment to openly invite Casey back into my life. I can't wait to see him again (Dr. Brandy said he would be right back probably weeks, but maybe a year before we meet him again).
Casey has given me so many gifts in my life. It is so easy to forget all the details, I don't want to forget some of them, so I will explain them here.
Casey decided to stay with us a few weeks longer than I believe he was going to initially. After he talked and worked things through with Dr. Brandy, she said he decided to stay for a while. This was a gift to us. It has brought Amanda and I together spiritually and helped Amanda use her Reiki training to help Casey. It has given us time to accept that Casey would be dying. We didn't know he was sick prior to a few coughs that started us looking into his health in the first place. So, this was very nice to be able to say our peace and hear his peace through Dr. Brandy. It also gave us a chance to reconcile our thoughts so that we could more easily live with our actions.
Casey had so many things to say to us. Some of the very important things were that he would be right back, that Katelyn was important to him, that he lost a couple babies in previous lifetimes and he wants a chance to protect a baby in the next lifetime. He wants to come back as a medium or large dog. He doesn't like small dogs much. It is important also that we get our lungs and probably our hearts checked since sometimes dogs take on ailments of humans so we don't have to. It was also important to know that we have a long term contract together and that we will be together again, and that he will find me again. He really wants to be here for the married-ness.
The last couple days before he died we stayed by him all the time. He was working so hard to let go. Even then he gave us giant gifts. He didn't decide to let go in the night when we were asleep. He didn't do it at the end of the day. One of the most profound things we noticed is that he stayed quiet and was "okay" while we watched our wedding video. As soon as it was over, he started having trouble. He chose to go the next morning after letting us sleep in a little after a late night looking after him, and after we had spent time with him, and connected with him. By this time I think it was clear that he had made the decision to die, but he had not decided on the exact moment yet. By this time, we were praying to god, and telling him that we were here to support him, and that we want him to go when he decides, and that we don't want him to suffer. Later after he new I was staying with him instead of going to a company lunch to say goodbye to Michael, he decided it was time.
After sitting outside for a couple hours that morning and having a good connection with us, he decided like he had done before that it was time to get up. He walked like a drunken sailor because is back legs were so weak the last few days. I watched were he was walking to, then I told him to wait and I would carry him. I carried him inside and asked him were he wanted to go. He just to a few steps, then plopped down slamming hard on his bones. He then panted for about 15 seconds trying to catch his breathe after his strenuous walk which has been typical in the last couple days. Then he put it head down for about 4 seconds and stopped breathing hard, then popped his head back up. He took a few breaths if I recall, then one big one breath, and a look came over his face like he was possessed, but in this case I believe his soul started to leave, and then his head collapsed on the floor like a line of dominoes or vertebraes in this case until his head lay sideways on the floor. It was as though someone pulled the plug and he no longer had any life in him. Or so it seemed for a few seconds then his tongue moved a little it seemed, and then he opened his mouth a little as to get a breath in, but I don't think got anything. After a second or two his tongue moved yet a little more, then he opened his mouth like he was giving the biggest yawn he had ever done; trying to get one last big of air but I don't believe his lungs had the energy to inhale one more time. Throughout this he had a pulse still, so I believe he was gone when I thought I saw it go, but I think the brain was still functioning, trying to keep the body alive. I begged him to not hold on for fear he would feel himself suffocate. I believe he felt no pain and very brief discomfort when he took his last breathe. At some point I noticed he no longer had a pulse. That was it. He was officially gone from his body. I said thank you many times to god, the universe, and Casey for not making him suffer. I just wanted him to go peacefully. I was so thankful he did not suffer. I was so thankful Amanda was there the whole time doing Reiki on him, helping him through the process. I believe this made such a large difference. She had been doing Reiki on Casey for nearly a day straight. A dog or human should be so lucky.
I could not have asked for much more of a perfect way to die for him given his condition. He made it easy for us by telling Dr. Brandy that he wanted to die naturally and not be forced to die. We left it up to him whether he would stay or go, and when he would go once he decided to go. He told Dr. Brandy he was not in pain the last couple days, and she told us. After carefully watching his behavior through the dying process I believe he was not in any pain except occasionally for a few seconds at a time. This made it so much easier to help him through the process.
I just can't say enough about Casey. There are so many things I will miss. I will definitely miss him greeting me at the door when I come home from work everyday or a night out. I will miss waking up in the morning to a warm greeting from him. I will miss the walks with him night after night. I will miss the endless kisses, hugs, affection, and unconditional love he shows me without regard for anything else other than I am his dad, and he loves me. I truly feel the same way about him. I would do anything to make him happy and feel loved. That is all I can ask anyone.
I will miss talking to Casey every chance I get about *everything*. He is such a good listener and always knows just what to say. He is always there to support me. He adds such life to an otherwise lifeless house. He has the best personality. Who could not love him.
I will miss the little things also. Like him coming over to us just when a movie or show ends because it is past time for his walk. Or him sniffing the ground to find little treats. His great tricks he would do all before I said anything, just to get the treat he wanted so much. Or when I come home his loved to sniff my crotch. I guess it smelled like me. :) I know there are an infinite number of other things that will pop into my head over the next few days, months, and even years. I promise to remember him, and never forget him. He has changed my life forever.
I write these words on paper not to mark the end of Casey's life, but to help me remember and never forget what a wonderful friend Casey has been to me. I believe we all have contracts with other souls. I believe that the two of us have a long term contract that is meant to last many lifetimes. I sincerely love him with all my heart, and I feel so fortune that I was able to give him a good life and love him, and give him the chance to talk through Dr. Brandy. He is my baby and I would do anything for him. I bless and release Casey. I look forward to the next time we meet again.
New Entry:
It has been a couple days since he passed on. I don't really want to change the house too much right now. I feel like I would just be saying, "Okay, Casey is gone, time to change everything." That seems disrespectful, and I don't want to disrespect Casey. I know eventually we will change things, and sooner than later we will clean up the house.
The house feels so empty when I come home, and when I leave I feel like I am forgetting something. I am so used to giving Casey a treat, and giving him my shirt to make sure he knows I'll be back, and telling him I'll be back, I love him, protect the house, or take care of Amanda. Walks just seem strange with no bag in my hand or pocket, and no leash in hand. No waiting for Casey to get excited, get a drink of water, eat a last minute snack, and put the collar and / or leash on Casey. It seems to strange on the walk to not be stopping at every bush, or to be reminding Casey that he should go potty now because the trashcan is near.
When I wake from sleeping sleeping, I fight the urge to look in the hall to see if Casey is there and okay. Every time I hear a noise in the house I think it is Casey, but then I realize it is not. I get out of bed and check to make sure he is not under my feet and realize he can't be anymore.
There have been so many times when we are out and I think, oh we better be getting home to feed Casey or to check on him. He has been on our minds so much the last month, it is hard to stop thinking about him every minute of the day. The truth is I don't ever want to forget him. It is a bit painful right now though to think of him. It nearly brings tears to my eyes every time. It is amazing how many times a day I think about Casey. It seems I am constantly catching myself when I realize that he is not hear in physical form anymore. It is still a bit of a stretch for my to accept he is gone, but I logically know he is not here in physical form. I do believe he is here spiritually though. He will always have a special place in my heart. I love you Casey dog! You are my baby boy! I will forever miss you! I can't wait to meet you again Casey baby.
It is hard to describe what Casey meant to me. He was so much more than a friend or even a best friend. He never had an unkind word to say, and he was always there to listen to me. He always new just the right thing to say. He got me through so many hard times and we have been together for so many years now it is hard to imagine a life without Casey. Some might say we have soul connections to each other. I would say they are right. It is just one of those things you can't describe, but that you only feel and know in your heart.
One of my earliest memories of Casey is when he first came home to my mom's house and we played in the backyard of my mom's house. It was great. I would throw or kick a large ball and Casey would run after it. The ball was just about as big as he was and sometimes he would run so fast he would sort of run / roll over it. I think he even once did a somersault over it. I knew from that day on that I had a friend that would bring the best out in me and help me remember to play more.
One of my most memorable times is when Casey and I went to Lake Pleasant. I think I was in college when we went. We had some free time and I want to do something special together that was an adventure for both of us and something that we had never done without the protection of adults. So we got in my white Chevy S10 pickup and headed to the lake. We had some food and water, but not much else other than a blanket and an inter-tube. We walked along the shoreline for a while before we got in the inter-tube and floated around the lake for quite some time. It seemed like hours, it was probably much less like 45 minutes or maybe an hour and half. The inter-tube became more of a floating chair than an inter-tube. I don't think it was made for two bodies that weighed probably a total of 215 pounds when wet. After floating in the lake, we hudled together beside the truck to have some shade from the intense sun. Casey doesn't tolerate heat very well, so we ate some lunch and headed home. This trip was a sign of independence and adventure, and was a heartfelt adventure that brought us closer together. We did something that we had only done with adult supervision prior to this.
I was 19, going on 20 when Casey and I met. We were both young at that point. Neither of us had experienced much without the protection and guidance of our parents. Since then Casey has been there through so many things. He was there when I moved out of my mom's house and into a condo I was renting at the Point in North Phoenix. He was there when I got my first real programming job (before I graduated college) at Desert Sky Software. He was there when I moved back to my mom's house to finish my last year of college, and finally graduation of ASU. After graduation it seemed only natural to buy a house of my own. Of course, Casey was my roommate. We had the whole house to our selves. I went to work every day and Casey stayed at home and took care of things. He was tireless at watching the neighborhood. He knew everyone in the neighborhood, or at least he new who should be hanging around and who should not be. He was the first to tell them to move along unless they wanted trouble from him. He was a great protector of our house.
Up to this point in both of our lives things had gone pretty smoothly. No real surprises. Every since then, it has been one thing after another it seems. I think the first encounter with reality and the fact that sometimes difficult things happen to good people was when my dad died in 2000. I found it incomprehensible that my dad could die when I was only 24. My mom was in the hospital at the same time as my dad, but I never figured either of them would actually die. The only thing I could think about prior to this turn of events was that I had graduated college and it was time to move on with my plan of college, girl, marriage, kids, live happily ever after. This was the first thing that rocked my world, and would not the last.
I don't want to make this all about me, because it isn't. Casey's life revolved around mine, so much of his life is also part of his life. I have had some hard times and Casey has stuck by my side and been my best friend every single day he was alive. That is a tall order for anyone to fill. Casey is truly a remarkable friend and companion.
To continue the story, soon after, I met my first wife Jennie. About the same time I developed menieres disease. My mom's health began to worsen over the next several years until. Life was taking a turn I had not expected. All of this was so overwhelming and Casey was there when I was dizzy from menieres disease, he was there when my mom was sick, and even there when Jennie asked for a divorce after only one year of marriage. I soon after that met my second wife Amanda who I love with all my heart. A few years after that my mom died. This was so difficult to lose my guiding light. I felt so lost.
I remember thinking that at least I have Casey still, he has been through all these rough times with me and will get me through many more. I believe his soul contract with my soul was to help me through these difficult times. The reason I say that is because he is an absolutely selfless friend. I don't know how else to explain why else Casey would be in my life for these difficult years. You see, Casey came into my life when I needed a friend to carry me through, and ended when I married Amanda. I believe in my heart that Amanda and I are soul mates and that we will get through anything that comes our way. I think Casey knows that she is the one I will be with and have a wonderful family with. He wants to be a part of the family said a very in touch Dr. Brandy. He wants to help raise and protect the baby. She said Katelyn is a name that Casey told her over and over again, but wouldn't disclose who it was. I don't know, but it sounds like the name of our child yet to be born. No promises, but I like that name. It only seems appropriate for a crystal child (one that can talk to animals) to be named by a dog. Yes, Casey is my best friend and a dog. He is not really my pet because that implies that I own him. That is not the case, we live together and support each other as companions in the journey of life.
I believe Casey chose this time to leave so that he could be right there in the next chapter of my life. What a perfect and exciting time in my life for Casey to come back. I want to take this moment to openly invite Casey back into my life. I can't wait to see him again (Dr. Brandy said he would be right back probably weeks, but maybe a year before we meet him again).
Casey has given me so many gifts in my life. It is so easy to forget all the details, I don't want to forget some of them, so I will explain them here.
Casey decided to stay with us a few weeks longer than I believe he was going to initially. After he talked and worked things through with Dr. Brandy, she said he decided to stay for a while. This was a gift to us. It has brought Amanda and I together spiritually and helped Amanda use her Reiki training to help Casey. It has given us time to accept that Casey would be dying. We didn't know he was sick prior to a few coughs that started us looking into his health in the first place. So, this was very nice to be able to say our peace and hear his peace through Dr. Brandy. It also gave us a chance to reconcile our thoughts so that we could more easily live with our actions.
Casey had so many things to say to us. Some of the very important things were that he would be right back, that Katelyn was important to him, that he lost a couple babies in previous lifetimes and he wants a chance to protect a baby in the next lifetime. He wants to come back as a medium or large dog. He doesn't like small dogs much. It is important also that we get our lungs and probably our hearts checked since sometimes dogs take on ailments of humans so we don't have to. It was also important to know that we have a long term contract together and that we will be together again, and that he will find me again. He really wants to be here for the married-ness.
The last couple days before he died we stayed by him all the time. He was working so hard to let go. Even then he gave us giant gifts. He didn't decide to let go in the night when we were asleep. He didn't do it at the end of the day. One of the most profound things we noticed is that he stayed quiet and was "okay" while we watched our wedding video. As soon as it was over, he started having trouble. He chose to go the next morning after letting us sleep in a little after a late night looking after him, and after we had spent time with him, and connected with him. By this time I think it was clear that he had made the decision to die, but he had not decided on the exact moment yet. By this time, we were praying to god, and telling him that we were here to support him, and that we want him to go when he decides, and that we don't want him to suffer. Later after he new I was staying with him instead of going to a company lunch to say goodbye to Michael, he decided it was time.
After sitting outside for a couple hours that morning and having a good connection with us, he decided like he had done before that it was time to get up. He walked like a drunken sailor because is back legs were so weak the last few days. I watched were he was walking to, then I told him to wait and I would carry him. I carried him inside and asked him were he wanted to go. He just to a few steps, then plopped down slamming hard on his bones. He then panted for about 15 seconds trying to catch his breathe after his strenuous walk which has been typical in the last couple days. Then he put it head down for about 4 seconds and stopped breathing hard, then popped his head back up. He took a few breaths if I recall, then one big one breath, and a look came over his face like he was possessed, but in this case I believe his soul started to leave, and then his head collapsed on the floor like a line of dominoes or vertebraes in this case until his head lay sideways on the floor. It was as though someone pulled the plug and he no longer had any life in him. Or so it seemed for a few seconds then his tongue moved a little it seemed, and then he opened his mouth a little as to get a breath in, but I don't think got anything. After a second or two his tongue moved yet a little more, then he opened his mouth like he was giving the biggest yawn he had ever done; trying to get one last big of air but I don't believe his lungs had the energy to inhale one more time. Throughout this he had a pulse still, so I believe he was gone when I thought I saw it go, but I think the brain was still functioning, trying to keep the body alive. I begged him to not hold on for fear he would feel himself suffocate. I believe he felt no pain and very brief discomfort when he took his last breathe. At some point I noticed he no longer had a pulse. That was it. He was officially gone from his body. I said thank you many times to god, the universe, and Casey for not making him suffer. I just wanted him to go peacefully. I was so thankful he did not suffer. I was so thankful Amanda was there the whole time doing Reiki on him, helping him through the process. I believe this made such a large difference. She had been doing Reiki on Casey for nearly a day straight. A dog or human should be so lucky.
I could not have asked for much more of a perfect way to die for him given his condition. He made it easy for us by telling Dr. Brandy that he wanted to die naturally and not be forced to die. We left it up to him whether he would stay or go, and when he would go once he decided to go. He told Dr. Brandy he was not in pain the last couple days, and she told us. After carefully watching his behavior through the dying process I believe he was not in any pain except occasionally for a few seconds at a time. This made it so much easier to help him through the process.
I just can't say enough about Casey. There are so many things I will miss. I will definitely miss him greeting me at the door when I come home from work everyday or a night out. I will miss waking up in the morning to a warm greeting from him. I will miss the walks with him night after night. I will miss the endless kisses, hugs, affection, and unconditional love he shows me without regard for anything else other than I am his dad, and he loves me. I truly feel the same way about him. I would do anything to make him happy and feel loved. That is all I can ask anyone.
I will miss talking to Casey every chance I get about *everything*. He is such a good listener and always knows just what to say. He is always there to support me. He adds such life to an otherwise lifeless house. He has the best personality. Who could not love him.
I will miss the little things also. Like him coming over to us just when a movie or show ends because it is past time for his walk. Or him sniffing the ground to find little treats. His great tricks he would do all before I said anything, just to get the treat he wanted so much. Or when I come home his loved to sniff my crotch. I guess it smelled like me. :) I know there are an infinite number of other things that will pop into my head over the next few days, months, and even years. I promise to remember him, and never forget him. He has changed my life forever.
I write these words on paper not to mark the end of Casey's life, but to help me remember and never forget what a wonderful friend Casey has been to me. I believe we all have contracts with other souls. I believe that the two of us have a long term contract that is meant to last many lifetimes. I sincerely love him with all my heart, and I feel so fortune that I was able to give him a good life and love him, and give him the chance to talk through Dr. Brandy. He is my baby and I would do anything for him. I bless and release Casey. I look forward to the next time we meet again.
New Entry:
It has been a couple days since he passed on. I don't really want to change the house too much right now. I feel like I would just be saying, "Okay, Casey is gone, time to change everything." That seems disrespectful, and I don't want to disrespect Casey. I know eventually we will change things, and sooner than later we will clean up the house.
The house feels so empty when I come home, and when I leave I feel like I am forgetting something. I am so used to giving Casey a treat, and giving him my shirt to make sure he knows I'll be back, and telling him I'll be back, I love him, protect the house, or take care of Amanda. Walks just seem strange with no bag in my hand or pocket, and no leash in hand. No waiting for Casey to get excited, get a drink of water, eat a last minute snack, and put the collar and / or leash on Casey. It seems to strange on the walk to not be stopping at every bush, or to be reminding Casey that he should go potty now because the trashcan is near.
When I wake from sleeping sleeping, I fight the urge to look in the hall to see if Casey is there and okay. Every time I hear a noise in the house I think it is Casey, but then I realize it is not. I get out of bed and check to make sure he is not under my feet and realize he can't be anymore.
There have been so many times when we are out and I think, oh we better be getting home to feed Casey or to check on him. He has been on our minds so much the last month, it is hard to stop thinking about him every minute of the day. The truth is I don't ever want to forget him. It is a bit painful right now though to think of him. It nearly brings tears to my eyes every time. It is amazing how many times a day I think about Casey. It seems I am constantly catching myself when I realize that he is not hear in physical form anymore. It is still a bit of a stretch for my to accept he is gone, but I logically know he is not here in physical form. I do believe he is here spiritually though. He will always have a special place in my heart. I love you Casey dog! You are my baby boy! I will forever miss you! I can't wait to meet you again Casey baby.
